Polaris
by Resshin
Summary: There are no morals in war. Leecentric, slight LeeKara. Epilogue is finally up.
1. Chapter One: Orphan

**Title:** Polaris  
**Author:** Canis  
**Rating:** R (M)  
**Warnings:** Some disturbing topics  
**Spoilers:** Up to 2.08  
**Pairing:** Lee/Kara  
**Summary:** There are no morals in war. Lee-centric, slight LeeKara  
**Disclaimer:** I own them not, so sue me not.  
**Author's Note:** Please. Review. I live off reviews. One of my 'big sisters' can tell you how much I love reviews. I _bask_ in your reviews' glory. So review. Please.

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Chapter 1: Orphan

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_And when Hera saw Minotaur's hideous form; she looked at him once in disgust and said "he is not worth it," before banishing the babe cruelly to the maze of which the child would never be free of..._

"Lee? Lee, come on, wake up. Lee? Apollo!"

The young captain stirred at the sound of someone calling him. He slowly shook his head from side to side twice before finally lifting it to see who it was that had woken him up.

Kara Thrace grinned at the sleepy face of her commanding officer. He may technically be her boss, and the gods knew he acted like such a tightass sometimes, but times like these were when she caught a glimpse of the young man she had known those long years ago, back when the world was still going around and they did not shoulder the burdens of the lives of forty five thousand men and women. This was the Lee that she had come to be friends with.

"Rise and shine, sir," she said grinning impishly. Lee managed a sleepy grin back before he rubbed a hand over his face.

"What time is it?"

"Almost seventeen hundred."

"Frak." He'd been sleeping for over an hour. Kara shrugged and sat down on the desk next to him and the paperwork in front of him. She picked up the top packet and scanned the top.

"The Minotaur Incident. Jeez Lee, why are you still looking into this? The fire was over two months ago."

She was right, of course. It _had_ been over two months since the nineteenth of February, when the fire broke out in the hospice of the _Minotaur_, one of the fleet's remaining civilian vessels, taking the lives of the twenty-seven patients who had been residing in that part of the ship. They had managed to put the fire out before it could consume the medical supplies, but by the time they had doused the last flame, not a single one of the patients had survived.

"I'm not _still_ looking into it; I just never got around to looking at it in the first place. That thing's been backlogged ever since it came to rest on my desk."

"But why are _you_ the one going through this? The President should be the one to deal with this kind of stuff," Kara pointed out as she set the paper back down on the desk. Lee shrugged.

"We need to see how much supplies will be required to fix that hospice wing. Better that we get over with this as soon as possible. No telling what might happen," he said, a tinge of weariness touching his voice as he murmured the last part. She nodded. He looked up at her once more, but this time confusion was etched on his features.

"Why are you here, Kara?"

"Crap, I nearly forgot. They found a leak in your Viper about an hour ago."

Frak.

"How the hell did that happen?"

"Hey, I'm just the messenger, so don't go ragging on me," Kara replied, putting up two hands defensively. Lee muttered a single, dire curse under his breath before rising from his chair and tearing out of the room, with one amused Kara Thrace standing in his wake.

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Lee sped down the corridors of the battlestar at breakneck speed. His Viper had been _fine_ this afternoon when he had gone on his shift; he had done his preflight twice over and his post flight checkup the same amount as well, so how in hell did his Viper suddenly spring a leak?

"Captain," Cally saluted as she approached him.

"Specialist Cally," Lee saluted back before resuming his search for his Viper.

"Your Viper is over there, sir," the girl pointed to a far corner of the deck. Lee looked over to where his bird stood with a deckhand working diligently underneath the belly of the Viper. He looked on for a while, wondering just how long it would be until the technician fixed the leak in it, when the deckhand slid out from his place under the Viper. Upon closer look, the CAG realized he did not recognize the young face smudged with grease. He turned to inquire Cally about this new face, but she had already disappeared.

"Chief?" he called. Tyrol jogged up to him.

"Sir?"

"Who is that?"

"Who is who?'

Galen turned his head to see who the CAG was pointing at.

"Oh, him. That's Crewman Polaris, sir."

"_Polaris_...?"

"That's his name, sir. Don't know what his parents were thinking when they named their tyke, but he's bright enough, and he's a dependable kid, especially when one of us is lost about what's wrong with these birds."

"I don't think I've ever met him before."

"Probably not. He usually stays in a closet somewhere and puts parts together so that we can install them in the Vipers and Raptors."

Lee nodded and squinted to look at the technician better. He was small, and rather skinny, to a point where his already baggy coveralls seemed to practically hang of his thin frame. His dark hair seemed enhance the paleness of his skin.

"How old is he?"

"Well, he turned eighteen only a few months ago, sir. He's small and scrawny and doesn't have much upper body strength, well actually he has _terrible_ upper body strength, but he sure is a devil when it comes to the small intricate stuff," Tyrol answered proudly.

"When did he come aboard?"

"I think sometime around two months ago. Shar-." He trailed off here, realization of what he had just said dawning upon him. The smile he wore slipped slightly, but he bravely managed to keep it somewhat in place. Lee decided to take pity on him.

"A Raptor pilot brought him over?"

"Yes, sir."

Lee nodded and once again looked at the boy working on the Viper. His movements were slightly awkward, but from the way everyone left him to his work, it seemed they all trusted him to do the job. All in all, he did seem like a bright and dependable kid.

He also seemed young, so very young.

Too young.

"He looks... young for a eighteen year old," he remarked. Tyrol shrugged, then nodded to Seelix, who was waving him over to look at some gadget or another.

"We're all forced to age beyond our years," he said wearily, before turning and hurrying off to finish his work on Hot Dog's Viper.

After one last long look at the boy, Lee turned and left as well, his previous reason for coming forgotten.

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The rest of the evening passed by without much trouble, and by twenty hundred Lee found himself in his office staring at the stack of papers on the _Minotaur_ once more. He really, _really_ didn't want to work on this. And as unwilling minds always did, his thought began to drift off.

His mind wandered over to the young deckhand he had seen today.

Lee felt the familiar pang of guilt in his heart, the same pang he always felt when he saw people that should not be in such a position milling through the work on board a battlestar. Oh, he knew that times were desperate. He knew they needed all the help they could get. But knowing so did not help to ease the guilt within him any. It didn't matter how desperate they were. Involving children in war was wrong. They were making a bad decision. A wrong, immoral decision.

A knock on his open hatch brought him out of his reverie. He looked up to see his best friend leaning against the hatch. She seemed to be freshly out of the shower, as her hair was damp and her skin still pink. Normally he would have taken the time to secretly register the sheer beauty of the woman before him, clean and rosy, but right now he felt oddly detached.

"Hey, you," Kara greeted, making her way over to him.

"Hey," he mumbled back. Kara rolled her eyes.

"What's eating at you _now_?" She asked, plopping down on his desk. Lee shrugged.

"Nothing's eating at me."

"Please. I know that look. Now tell Mommy everything that's bothering you, dear."

Lee snorted and shook his head.

"...Kara."

"Yeah?"

"Did it... did it ever occur to you that as time progresses on and on... the nuggets and deckhands we're receiving seem to get younger and younger?"

Kara gave him a blank look. Lee pressed a bit more. She _was _the one to initiate this conversation, after all.

"Well?"

"Frankly I don't care how old my nuggets are, as long as they can fly a Viper without getting killed. And it doesn't really matter to me how old the specialist is. If she can keep my Viper in the air then that's all that really matters, isn't it?"

"She?" Lee asked, slightly amused. Kara raised an eyebrow.

"Weren't you talking about Cally?"

"Among others, perhaps. I saw someone that looks even younger than Cally today though."

"I thought Cally was the youngest there?"

"So did I. Appears he just turned eighteen a few weeks ago."

"Oh. Is he any good?"

"According to the chief, he's great with putting together parts and wiring stuff."

"Then that's all that matters," Kara said offhandedly. Lee blanched.

"This doesn't bother you... at all?" he asked. Kara looked back at him, somewhat curiously.

"Should it?"

"He's barely eighteen, Kara."

"So?"

Lee opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it and shut it again. Kara sighed.

"What did you expect? This is wartime, Lee. We don't have many people. And we need all the help we can get."

"..."

"Come on, say something. I know you're dying to say something, so say it," Kara wheedled. Lee rolled his eyes.

"We're supposed to be protecting kids like him, Kara. Not drag them into this kind of frak with us."

"And just exactly what is 'this frak'?"

"This," Lee opened his arms out to indicate the situation they were in. "The bad food. The cold showers. Living quarters equivalent to a sardine can. All of it. Hell, the whole goddamn war. We enlisted to keep kids away from stuff like this. Now we're just dragging them into it."

"There's really nothing we can do about it, is there? And it's not like the civilian ships are much better off than we are. Though the living quarters part I think I can bring myself to envy."

"And the threat of death? There's hundreds of accidents that can happen on board the Galactica that would not be the case for any of the civilian ships."

Kara shrugged, and reached over to ruffle Lee's hair.

"You're overthinking the situation as usual, CAG. Get some sleep. You look like you need it."

"Kara-."

"Look, I understand where you're coming from. I don't feel too hot about seeing kids going out there and risking their lives every single day either. But the fact is that we _need_ them. We're desperate, and I honestly don't think the Cylons are going to give a damn if the next human they kill is a little boy or an old lady. This is war, Lee, and the old rules don't apply," she said. She had a feeling it wasn't going to work on Lee though. He tended to feel too much, and when he felt he was doing something "wrong," he let himself go on severe guilt trips.

Not that he showed it on the outside. It was years of knowing Lee Adama that allowed Kara to know just how much guilt ate away at him. It was definitely no advantage for someone who was the CAG of a battlestar.

Lee still looked frustrated, so in a last ditched effort, Kara did what she normally did not do - and by normally did not do, she meant almost never did - and leaned over to loosely hug Lee.

It worked like a charm. He didn't pull away, though she suspected that was out of shock more than anything else. She brushed the hair back away from his forehead before lifting his chin up a little to get him to look her square in the eyes.

"I know you feel guilty about letting children join the war. I do too, and not a day passes when I see my nuggets and wonder why the hell they are even here. But reality's reality, Lee. You can't change it. No one can, no matter how much they want to," she said softly. Lee blinked once. Twice. She could see him steadily gathering himself once more, so she released him and got off the desk.

"Get some sleep, Apollo. You have CAP in the morning."

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Four days later, Lee found himself sitting in his office once more, glaring at the pile of neglected paperwork sitting innocently on his desk. He had gotten off shift a few hours ago, had showered, and grabbed a few bites to eat before returning here to wrestle with the ever hated stacks of The Second Greatest Evil Known to Mankind. The First being, of course, the Cylons themselves.

He would have preferred to stay on deck and watch the young crewman work on his Viper. Polaris had done an excellent job fixing the leak three days ago; apparently he had done some tuning as well, because Lee felt his Viper flying considerably smoother than it had before. Though she may have been a Cylon, Boomer sure did know to pick her technicians well.

Lee sighed as he sifted through the stack of papers. His desk was messy. He hated messy. It was a jumble of papers, really; there was a few packets dealing with the necessary repairs for various ships, a few on the distribution of water supplies, a handful on the medications needed by the doctors for their patients that he figured Doc Cottle would know how to work with better than he did. On the very top of the stack were profiles of the patients who died on board the _Minotaur_. Maybe he would sift through it later once more to look at the civilians lost, but right now he just wanted his desk a little bit neater. He let his eyes occasionally skim over the papers as he straightened his work space out.

He froze when his eyes took in the photo on the twelfth sheet.

**Michael Johnston Polaris Walker**  
**Date of birth:** 86.06.02.  
**Date of death:** 03.02.19

The last date struck as something familiar in Lee's brain, but the picture next to it sent a jolt through his entire body. A boy. It was a picture of a boy. A boy Lee could have sworn he had just seen down in the flight deck not four hours ago, when he got off his shift. For a moment he thought he had found two people that looked amazingly alike - or at least hoped that that was what he had found. One quick scan of the name proved no such luck though.

Michael Johnston Polaris Walker.

Polaris Walker.

_Polaris_.

He stormed out of his office, the profile still clutched tightly in one hand as he tore down the Galactica's corridors in search of one sixteen year old technician.

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He found him in the exact same spot as he had last seen him; lying flat on his back under his Viper briskly working on the innards of the bird. The only difference was that he had a flashlight held between his teeth now, and that he had a considerably larger amount of black smudges on his face. Walking over, he reached down and in one fluid motion pulled the deckhand out from under the Viper by the collar of his coverall.

"Wha-?" the boy yelped when he felt hands dragging him up. His head hit the body of the Viper, making him yelp once more, but when he saw that it was the CAG who was holding him by his collar, he blinked, the pain momentarily forgotten. Lee could feel everyone on the whole deck going still to watch the scene unfurling before them, but he did not care. Instead, he turned to the boy.

"Come on, Michael," he said in a voice so soft that even the deckhand he was holding on to could barely hear, before he proceeded to haul the boy across the deck. He was already halfway there before the rest of the deck finally began to react.

"Sir!"

Lee ignored the shouts of protest from the deckhands and dragged the boy by the scruff of his neck down the corridors of the Galactica. He put up little fight. When they reached his office, he threw Polaris into the room and locked the door behind him.

"What is this?" he hissed, shoving the sheet of Polaris's profile into the boy's face.

The deckhand didn't even flinch.

Polaris barely registered the folder, only looking at Lee with a resigned expression on his face. He made no movement. He made no sound. He merely stared.

They stood that way, Lee glaring and the boy simply staring, until at last the deckhand spoke up.

"So, what are you going to do now then, sir? Throw me out the airlock?" he asked, his voice tired and soft... and yet somehow still holding a hint of challenge.

"Don't frak with me," Lee all but snarled and threw the folder on his desk. Polaris didn't seem all too fazed. His expression was blank. Lee sighed and ran a palm over his face, sitting down on his chair carelessly.

"Look, I don't know how you're even aboard this ship, but trust me; this isn't a place for kids like you. You should be on a civilian ship. I know it might look cool and all, but..."

"Can I say something, sir?" the crewman broke in.

"You _may_."

"I'm not going back."

Lee paused, then looked up. Polaris was still staring at him, but his gaze had changed.

Hardened.

Lee opened his mouth, then closed it again. Here he was, with a Raptor stowaway standing before him, a stowaway adamantly _refusing_ to go back to wherever he came from. Yet for some reason he could not bring himself to send him directly to a civilian ship, as he had full intention of doing so only ten minutes ago. Polaris unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck. Lee winced to see the bruise forming there from his grip.

He decided to take a different approach.

"Don't you have any family members you need to get back to?" he asked. Polaris shook his head.

"My mom and dad never made it. I was attending school at Picon when the Cylons attacked, and was on my way home when our transport changed course. I didn't know about it until a long while after the attack. I was..." he paused, seemingly trying to collect himself. His expression was oddly grim when he opened his mouth once more.

"I was... placed on a ship with all the other parentless kids after a few weeks. An orphanage, or at least as close to one as could be managed, given the conditions we were in. The captains on the civilian vessels thought that it would be the best course of action... seeing as how there were so many kids, and no one who could properly take care of us. But the ship they placed us on wasn't as well stocked. There wasn't enough food. There wasn't enough water. There wasn't enough heat. Supplies were running low, and those of us who were sick had to go without medication for a while," Polaris's voice grew even softer.

Lee felt his eyes widen, his mind draw a blank. Orphan ships. Low supplies. But he _knew_ for a fact that Galactica had been handing out the supplies evenly.

"I've never heard of-."

"_You're_ not a civilian, are you, _sir_?" Polaris cut him off. He stared at Lee with unreadable eyes, a blank gaze so haunted and devoid of emotion that Lee could not help but stare back into them, a chill running down his spine. Those eyes did not belong to a boy of sixteen years.

Polaris smiled. It wasn't a happy smile.

"No, of course you wouldn't know. You're a soldier. You're the CAG. You're the great Apollo. You get three hots and a cot every single day. You get first dibs whenever the fleet is running low on supply, whether it be fuel, food, or water. But unfortunately there are people out there who don't share the same privileges as you, _sir_, especially orphans like us who no one cares about. We're a burden. We're expendable. We don't need as much as other people who still have their families. We're the pink elephant in the room that everyone knows of but no one wants to talk about."

The humorless smile was still there, even as Polaris picked up his profile from Lee's desk.

"Want to know why you never knew of that ship they made our dear little orphanage? Why no one reported the state we were in? 'Cause none of us were - are - still stupid enough to try and reach out for help from anyone. Not when there's no room for charity in people's hearts."

The grin became an almost sinister sneer.

"I was in bed with a broken shoulder when we ran out of supplies for the third time. Everyone… every kid there at least... was going hungry and thirsty. Angry because they never had enough. Fights broke out among the kids every day. It got so bad to the point where those men... those _doctors_... decided to shut down the life support systems for all the patients, whether they thought they had a chance or not. Those of us who didn't require any life support, those of us who were stable but just injured... they injected with... something. And those of us... those of us that managed to find out too late what was going on and tried to run away... they shot the minute we ran out the door, like they were shooting dogs. Two friends fell on top of me. The _marines_ shooting at us thought I was dead like my friends were. When I got the chance I crawled away from them and I... watched... as they threw the bodies of my friends out of the airlock. I had to run away if I wanted to live. So I hid on board one of your Raptors when they came for supplies the next day after you heard about the 'accident' that happened. I was caught. Boom – the Cylon that was on board before the one we have right now and Crashdown found me. They didn't ask any questions when I said I had to get away from the ship, and the Cylon introduced me to the chief when she found out I could work with machines. They snuck me my medications ever since."

He drew in a shaky breath, then let it out, but his gaze never broke away from Lee's face after that first time.

"You might think you're defending humanity just by shooting down Cylons. But did you know? Sometimes, those very humans you're trying to protect are even worse than those Cylons you try so hard to shoot out of the sky. After all," his eyes gleamed.

"The Cylon who found me was the one who had _saved_ me from the humans.

"Poetic irony, isn't it? That's why I can't go back. They'll kill me. So if I have to go back there to be treated like an animal... I'd rather you threw me out of the airlock right now."

"..."

They stayed that way, both staring each other down. Finally, Polaris sighed.

"Anything else, or may I go back now, sir? I still have to finish rewiring the communications in your Viper."

"...?"

"Even if you began writing the papers to send me off somewhere it's still going to take you a couple of hours. I could finish rewiring in that time period. The deck gang needs a lot of hands. Sir."

"...You may go."

"Thank you, sir."

Polaris saluted him and was already out the door before the sudden intuition hit Lee and twisted his insides in sick trepidation. Thought came back to him, as did his senses - he was finally able to think again -

Marines... shooting...

Oh_ gods_...

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To Be Continued


	2. Chapter Two: Like Minotaur

**Title:** Polaris  
**Author:** Canis  
**Rating:** R (M)  
**Warnings:** Some disturbing topics  
**Spoilers:** Up to 2.08  
**Pairing:** Lee/Kara  
**Summary:** There are no morals in war. Lee-centric, slight LeeKara  
**Disclaimer:** I own them not, so sue me not.  
**Author's Note:** Please. Review. I live off reviews. One of my 'big sisters' can tell you how much I love reviews. I _bask_ in your reviews' glory. So review. Please.

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Chapter 2: Like Minotaur

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Polaris was barely six feet away from the office when Lee came barreling through the hatch once more. He was eight feet away when Lee ran over to him. On the ninth, Crewman Polaris found himself being briskly dragged once again by the CAG to another place down the corridors.

"Sir, what are you-."

"Come on," Lee said tersely as he tugged his younger companion along. Polaris stumbled after him, one arm held in the iron grip of the CAG.

"Where are we going?" Polaris asked. He was struggling to keep himself from falling over while simultaneous trotting after Lee in an awkward position.

"The Commander's office."

Polaris froze. Unfortunately this led to Lee pulling his arm harshly. His eyes went wide and he almost instinctively recoiled, hissing and curling into a ball right there on the corridor floor. Lee looked back to see why the deckhand had halted abruptly, only to see him clutching at his shoulder with his eyes screwed shut. Lee remembered belatedly that Polaris had said he had a broken shoulder. Alarmed, he kneeled on one knee before the boy and reached out to inspect the damage done, but Polaris withdrew sharply away and glared at him. Lee almost took a step back from the storm of emotions in those black eyes.

Coldness. Fury. Dread.

Fear.

"Don't touch me," Polaris hissed out through clenched teeth, moving away from Lee again. He was still nursing his shoulder. Lee drew back the hand that had been about to reach out and stood up. Polaris followed, albeit a lot more slowly. He stumbled in place behind Lee, refusing to look at him. Awkwardly Lee began to lead the way to his father's office once more. They remained that way, silent and Lee casting apologetic glances the boy's direction every now and then, until they finally reached the Commander's office. Lee knocked.

"Come in," Adama called. Lee paused and looked at the boy.

"...Stay here," Lee instructed. Polaris nodded tiredly, but didn't face him. For some reason that sent a small pang of pain through Lee, and he gave one last guilty look the deckhand's way before stepping through the hatch.

William Adama looked up to see his son and CAG enter his office. Lee snapped off a smart salute. He nodded.

"At ease, captain. What's going on?"

"Something came up, sir," Lee said, his voice carefully neutral. Adama raised an eyebrow. Lee held his gaze.

"Well? Let's hear it then," Adama said, leaning back against his chair. Lee opened his mouth hesitantly.

"Sir..." he broke off. "I... there's something I need to ask you first."

"Go ahead, Lee."

"Did you know about the orphan ships?" Lee blurted out. The Commander blinked, scrutinized his son's face carefully. Lee looked pale. And shaken. His blue eyes were wide and intent, transfixed on him and desperately seeking an answer.

Something was terribly wrong.

"...Where have you heard of such?" William finally asked the question with a question of his own.

"Dad, I need to know the truth. Did you or didn't you know about the orphanages?" Lee asked, almost frantically. William stared at Lee. His son stared back.

"...Yes," Adama finally said. He did not let his gaze waver. Lee squeezed his eyes shut. Silence filled the room.

"...Dad..." It was Lee who finally broke the silence again. His voice came out oddly strangled.

"...Did you send marines aboard the ships...?"

"Yes. I did."

Lee clenched his jaws. His next words came out in a strained hiss.

"Did you know those marines murdered the children aboard the _Minotaur_?"

No, he had not known that. Adama's eyes narrowed, and he looked at Lee above his glasses.

"Explain."

Lee's shoulders sagged.

"There's a _sixteen year old_ technician on the deck, Dad. Did you know that? A kid with a broken shoulder who doesn't have anywhere to go snuck onto the ship just so he could get three warms and a cot. He ran away because his friends in the hospice were killed by the doctors by having their life systems shut down. He saw his friends shot to death when they tried to escape. By marines. Marines _you_ assigned, Dad," Lee said, his voice soft. It wasn't accusatory; it was simply stating the facts.

William took a deep breath. He had been aware of the situations aboard the orphan ships for a long while. He had known the children were not receiving the supplies sent their way and that instead, the people assigned to care for them - the captains of the ships, the doctors, the workers - were smuggling the food and clothes behind their backs for profit. He had known about the situation, yes. But he had not been able to do a damn thing about it; he couldn't spare any of his officers to look over that as well, not when there was already a shortage of hands for combat. So he had sent the marines.

Only to find out now they were responsible for murder.

"What do you want me to do, captain?" Adama finally asked, taking his glasses off and setting them down on his desk.

"I request an investigation, sir. We need to look into this matter fully-."

"No," his father cut him off. Lee stared at him disbelievingly.

"Sir?"

"We're not going to dig through this, son. Think of the impact it would have on the fleet's morale."

Lee's mouth opened and closed. He seemed to struggle to regain his ability to speak.

"Dad, that kid's not even getting proper pain meds. He's been sneaking around for months trying to _survive_ on a _warship_. Is that right? Is that moral? And we're not to bring to justice those who-."

"Nothing about war is moral," his father cut him off. Lee paused to look at Adama confusedly.

"Whoever says war has its own beauty and system of ethics is either a fool or a liar. You're lost in a war. You're in Tartarus. You don't know which way is up or down, you don't know your right from left. So you do the only thing that you know how to do. You try to survive."

Suddenly, William Adama looked very old.

"People go mad during the war, Lee. Not crazy. _Mad_. In their minds, nothing matters anymore, because the old rules are dead and there is nothing to hold them back. They do anything to survive. They can kill other men in the name of survival, and their crimes go unpunished and justified. The _war_ is not moral, son. It's the survivors who justify and _make_ it moral."

"You can't possibly be willing to just let go of this!"

"I am not only willing but ordering you to do so as well. Those marines will be brought to court martial, and the boy can stay on the ship as a deckhand if he wants. But we're not going to delve any deeper into this matter, captain. There's too much at risk."

"Sir!"

"Dismissed."

"Dad!"

"I said dismissed!" Adama said, not overly loudly, but definitely firmly. Lee shut up. His eyes smoldering, he saluted once more before turning on his heels and leaving the room, slamming the hatch behind him.

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Lee slammed the hatch behind him furiously. Polaris looked up from his spot crouched next to the hatch. Though his expression was guarded, Lee knew he had heard everything. Hell, he hadn't been too hard-pressed to keep his voice quiet near the end.

They stared at each other for a moment, before Lee finally sighed.

"Have you eaten yet?" he asked. Polaris silently shook his head no.

"When did you last eat then?"

A shrug. Apparently he didn't seem to much care.

"Come on. Let's go eat," Lee said, ignoring the reason he had dragged Polaris all the way over here in the first place. It probably wouldn't be pragmatic to bring the boy before his father immediately after having a rather heated discussion about his very self.

Polaris stood up carefully. His previous turbulent mood seemed to have cooled off somewhat, because he followed Lee to the nearly empty mess hall mutely. Both picked up a tray and picked up the offered mush that passed as food on the Galactica without exchanging so much as a word. Lee noticed, however, that Polaris was careful to avoid straining his left shoulder much. Another wave of guilt washed over Lee as he remembered how harshly he had tugged on the boy's arm.

"So... how did you hurt yourself?" Lee asked, once they were seated.

"I worked on the Hephaestus for a bit. Accidents happen," Polaris answered succinctly, spooning up some of the amorphous goop from his plate.

"What happened?"

"Big piece of iron fell on top of me."

"Oh."

Silence lapsed again. Lee tried once more.

"Where were your parents while you were in Picon?"

"Virgon. I attended Picon Academy."

That would explain how he was so good at mechanics. Picon Academy was a large boarding school of immense prestige. It was known to have one of the best engineering schools in all of the colonies. Only the richest or the smartest were able to enroll there, and the level of competition was high enough so that half the class - usually the richer half -dropped out before graduating. Most of those who did graduate either became successful businessmen or became well-known engineers.

Lee took a scrutinizing look at the young man before him. Polaris looked rather worn out. Lee didn't blame him.

"I'm going to have to tell the Chief about this," Lee said. Polaris paused, then resumed eating. He nodded.

"Are you okay with it?"

"...Yes sir."

"You don't seem all too scared that you were caught."

"You can't do much worse than send me back to the orphanage."

"You don't have to go back. You'll stay here, and you'll keep tuning up my bird," he attempted to lighten the mood. Polaris didn't even bat an eye. He didn't seem to care at all, or at least not as much as he did for the tasteless mush laid before him. It seemed he had transgressed from being pessimistic to simply nihilistic over the course of months he had spent on the _Minotaur_. Not that he could be blamed. Lee cleared his throat awkwardly.

"I... have some paperwork to finish. If you have questions you can ask me later..." Lee moved to get up from the table, when Polaris finally opened his mouth and called him back.

"Sir?" Polaris did not look up from his tray, although his hands stopped chasing the food around his plate.

"Yes, crewman?"

"...Is it pity?" the boy asked, his voice soft, and yet hard at the same time. He still did not look up. Lee frowned.

"Why should you think that?" he asked, sitting himself back down in front of the deckhand.

"Why shouldn't I?" Polaris returned evenly. He glanced at the CAG, and Lee noted with surprise that the boy's gaze was sad. It was only for a brief second that Polaris looked at Lee though, before collecting his tray and standing up. The sad look was gone, replaced by the familiar tiredness that was his usual aura.

"Thank you for letting me stay, sir," he thanked, and despite the aloofness that he had been emanating only seconds before, Lee heard something other than bitterness and sarcasm from the crewman before him. Genuine gratitude was there. Lee managed a small smile, though to his disappointment the boy did not return it.

Perhaps he wasn't completely nihilistic at all.

"You're family, crewman. You're always welcome here," Lee said. Polaris nodded, then turned around and walked to the counter to return his tray and eating utensils. Lee stayed and watched as the crewman left the mess hall to return to work. He stayed a long while after that.

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Lee stared at the documents in front of him. There wasn't that much dealing with the fire at all, except that twenty seven lives had been lost, and that the supplies were in need of rapid restocking. The remains of the dead, too charred to be identified, had been 'disposed of'.

Thrown out the airlock, Polaris had said.

Two days passed since then. Two days that Lee spent struggling to come to terms with the knowledge he had unwillingly discovered. Two days of finally unearthing the truth.

"_What are you going to do now? Throw me out the airlock?"_

The double meaning of those few bitter words came back to haunt him. Though it may have been the result of angry sarcasm from a growing adolescent, it didn't change the fact that a mere child had watched the very same thing happen before his eyes and knew that had he not gotten away, he would have ended up in that position as well. It didn't change the fact that he had kept silent witness as man became beast in a course of only a few months.

How he had been unaware of the presence of orphan ships, he could not for the life of him understand. He had attended War College and had received top marks all four years of his time there. He knew war orphans existed, and he knew conditions for them had never been good, if not downright atrocious. After they were of legal age, they would be released into the "real" world to fend for themselves; they would be offered to live in shelters of course, but by then many of them were already roaming the streets dealing drugs and selling bodies to make enough money to just _survive_. Statistics in the textbooks had said sixty seven percent of these orphaned children did not grow to live past twenty three.

He had been naïve enough to believe that mutual tragedy would forge a bond between everyone, when in reality, there was a growing turbulence among the handful of survivors of a now dead world. There were already those abandoned by the world - or what was left of it - clinging to their lives desperately. There were already those bartering with "illegal" goods - be it that the set laws were even considered intact anymore. The Astral Queen was good example of that, with a terrorist and loonies running a world of their own.

And not a single one of them would ever cry out for help.

Not even this one boy, who had witnessed a near massacre and come a hair's breadth away from death himself. Lee knew Polaris would never ask for any aid - had he not said that none would be stupid enough to ask himself? He would not scream. He would not cry. No smile or tears would ever shine from those black eyes, eyes that Lee had imagined took everything in and never let anything out. A boy... and yet a boy no longer, but a queer creature formed out of and mirroring the twisted and demented nature of mankind. One who had been cast away in his most helpless state by those who had been meant to protect him, one who had been thrown into the maze of survival with no way of preparing himself for it and so striking back in angry hurt.

Like Minotaur.

He knew he could not fault anyone for wanting to survive, but despite all the things that had changed when their worlds had been destroyed, he knew that the massacre of children - _orphaned_ children! - in the name of survival was not only wrong but an undeniable, _blatant_ neglect for human rights. And though times may be hard, certain rights were still meant to be kept sacred and high above others. Human life was above all that. _They_ were above all that. It was what kept them from being just like the Cylons.

Lost lives may not be returned. Wounds may never heal.

But if he could right what few of the endless wrongs committed...

Then that was all Lee would ask for.

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A few days after the incident, Lee finally managed to approach the boy. It wouldn't do for any one of the pilots to be on bad terms with a member of the crew, no matter who it is or what the case may be. Those rules didn't fail to apply to Apollo himself.

"Hey," he greeted. Polaris gave him a cursory sideways glance and a nod before focusing his attention back to the fuel tank. He prodded the tank with a pencil delicately, then made a face when a gunk of green came off the eraser.

"Evening, sir."

"Everything going all right?" Lee asked casually. Polaris didn't even glance at him as he answered back.

"As well as can be expected, sir."

"Oh. Well, that's good. That's great. Uh..."

It would help a lot if the boy would at least _look_ at him. But of course, that would have been too easy.

"I requested for a bottle of pain meds for you. They'll be in by next week," he said matter-of-factly. Polaris briefly looked from the clipboard at him, but then turned his attention back to the preflight check.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. Thanks for tuning up my Viper. I really appreciate it," Lee said. Polaris frowned a bit, not out of displeasure, but out of puzzlement.

"I was just doing my job."

"So am I."

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To Be Continued

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yannik: -blush- You give me too much credit. It was an idea I'd been fiddling with for a while now - I'm only just now getting it all out of my head and onto the computer. I'm happy to hear you're enjoying this fic

Rachel: -0- It was an aspect I didn't think of yet;;; -goes to a corner and hides- Ehehe. I hope you liked this chapter then. Hopefully you'll like the ones that will come up in the future too... :)

Sis: ...T-T Come on, it's taken me months to get this thing ready! T-T

Teresa: D: I knew I should have gotten this thing beta-ed before I posted T-T Thanks for pointing it out. I went back and fixed the mistakes. And yes, this story is a tad on the depressing side... ;; I will insert a few upbeat stuff though, so worry not.


	3. Chapter Three: Acceptance

**Title:** Polaris  
**Author:** Canis  
**Rating:** R (M)  
**Warnings:** Some disturbing topics  
**Spoilers:** Up to 2.08  
**Pairing:** Lee/Kara  
**Summary:** There are no morals in war. Lee-centric, slight LeeKara  
**Disclaimer:** I own them not, so sue me not.  
**Author's Note:** Please. Review. I live off reviews. One of my 'big sisters' can tell you how much I love reviews. I _bask_ in your reviews' glory. So review. Please.

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Chapter 3: Acceptance

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Kara "Starbuck" Thrace pulled the pillow over her head. Those stupid nuggets were out there again, in the bunkroom, chatting away about the newest gossip floating around the Galactica. She had shut the curtains, intending to catch a few hours of sleep, and had actually almost managed to drift off when those pesky little green saplings had crashed in, as raucous and rowdy as any other day. What annoyed her even more, however, was that this newest addition to the already overflowing collection of ridiculous tall tales was concerning the Captain himself.

As rumor had it, the CAG had manhandled one of the younger deckhands and dragged him by the back of his neck down the corridors. There were many witnesses testifying to this story. However, the story apparently also went that Polaris had pulled a prank on Lee by placing wet paint on the handle of the CAG's office hatch, and the CAG merely dragged him over to get him to clean it up himself. Lucky he got away with only that. The deckhands seemed skeptical, but that was the story that the boy had seemingly told them.

Normally Kara wouldn't have given a flying frak about the running of the rumor mill, but this was one rumor that was hard to ignore, seeing as how it was Lee - calm, collected, by-the-book and clean cut Lee - who had been seen mistreating a deckhand.

No, that was something that she, Starbuck (or God to some of the nuggets) was prone to do.

Plus there was the fact that Lee was looking increasingly tired these days. She knew Lee could damn well be a workaholic when he set his mind into it, but she had not seen him pulling anything more excessive than the already ungodly amount of work she was used to seeing him balance oh-so-skillfully.

He was most definitely exhausted. And it wasn't because of the usual reasons.

She was getting worried.

Perhaps it was time for a little investigation.

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She sought him out in the hangar the very next day.

"Apollo," Starbuck approached Lee. Lee looked up from his preflight.

"Hey," he said simply, before turning his attention back to the clipboard in his hand. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"What's going on?" she asked, climbing up the ladder to sit next to him on the Viper's wing. Lee gave her only a cursory glance, holding up the clipboard for her to see.

"Preflight," he said. Kara rolled her eyes. He in turn cast a sideways look, raising one eyebrow.

"What?"

"Stop acting like an idiot. What's with you these days? You didn't think I wouldn't notice the bags under your eyes, did you?"

Lee blinked.

"I look that bad?"

"Yes, yes you do."

It was at that moment a small deckhand chose to stop by.

"Any problems?" he asked impassively. Lee shook his head no, and the crewman nodded and walked away. Lee's gaze lingered on the boy for another moment. Kara didn't miss it, and she followed his gaze to where it was pinned on the young knuckledragger pulling a huge box of tools out from the bottom of a wagon under miscellaneous items. He looked extremely young compared to the other specialists whom kara had grown accustomed to seeing on the deck. Thinner, too. Ah, so this must be the one.

"That's him? That kid you were talking about the other day?" she asked. Lee turned his head to look at her at her voice, then dropped his gaze to the clipboard once more. He nodded. Kara sighed.

"Lee, you're not still beating yourself up about having kids on a warship, are you?"

Silence.

"Lee, come on. We've been through this. These are desperate times. I can't blame you for feeling guilty about it, since it really isn't right, but this is getting ridiculous."

More silence. Lords, he could be such a stubborn idiot when he felt like it. It was one of the more endearing traits Lee Adama had... most of the time.

Now was not one of them.

"Kid sure is small for his age though," Kara commented after a beat. Lee laughed slightly. She gave him a look.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing..."

"What? Spill, Adama."

"It's nothing, really. Anyway, I'm not really beating myself up for having kids on a warship, if that's what you're worried about."

"Then?" Kara pressed. Lee smiled and looked at his watch.

"Doesn't someone have CAP to fly?" he asked, evading her question. Kara looked over at Lee's watch and swore as she clambered down.

"This isn't over," she warned as she hurried off to get her own Viper checked over. Lee merely smirked and gave an infuriating little wave. He watched Kara tearing across the hangar, while dragging from his tool assessment a small deckhand with her to get her bird ready.

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Later that evening, he found himself alone at a table in the mess hall eating what passed for dinner as his mind mulled over the events of the past week. He had found out about possibly one of the fleet's ugliest secrets. To top it off, he had been ordered not to relay this secret to anyone, and to not do anything about the situation at hand.

The boy, of course, wouldn't let out any details about himself, but after what he had heard, and after what he had seen, Lee was fairly certain Polaris himself had been exposed victim to at the very least several of the torment he had just grazed the surface of; not that he told him everything that happened either, nor had he exactly relayed all the details of those horrors he had mentioned. That was fine. Lee wasn't sure if he ever wanted to know the full story behind it, no matter how much he felt the truth needed to be uncovered. He felt sick enough after talking to Polaris.

He had one sixteen year old deckhand running around the ship where a hundred things could go wrong at any time. He had that very same deckhand treating him apathetically while he himself looked upon the boy with a feeling of inerasable remorse. He -

"I love that kid," Kara said, setting her tray down and sitting in the seat across from him. Lee looked up, somewhat surprised as she broke through his train of thoughts like she usually did - be it intentionally, or unintentionally.

"By that kid you would be meaning...?" he questioned.

"The pipsqueak. Polaris? Dorkiest name ever maybe, but wow. I haven't felt a Viper running that smooth in ages. Almost better than sex," Kara declared. Lee decided it would be wise to choose to let the latter comment slip by.

"Yes, he does one hell of a job with tuning," Lee agreed. Kara narrowed her eyes at him.

"You knew this? You knew he was that good at tuning Vipers and you didn't tell me?" she asked, waving a fork threateningly. Lee chuckled as he pulled slightly away from the attack range of the utensil.

"Yeah. Was thinking of maybe keeping him all to myself but figured I should let you in on the loop."

Kara stabbed at a piece of overcooked "vegetable" off his plate.

"Hey!"

"Good boys share with their best friends, Lee. From badly cooked, processed vegetables to cute, young technicians."

She made a face.

Cute.

"Oh my gods, that came out so wrong."

"Yes it did. Get your mind out of the gutter, Lieutenant," Lee laughed. Kara stuck her tongue out at him, mumbling something that sounded fairly close to 'No, it likes it there,' before shoveling the stolen piece of food into her mouth. She chewed absentmindedly.

"There's something about that kid, you know," she said after swallowing. Lee looked up at her from his own plate.

"Hmm?"

"It's... Well, he seems nice and all, quiet, but something about him is just... off, I guess. I get why the deck crew's getting so attached to him. And I can see why you're so hung up on this. I kinda feel bad for him myself. It just doesn't feel right, with a kid like that running around on a warship like the 'G'-"

"Done eating?" Lee asked abruptly, cutting her off and snatching up his tray with its quarter leftover goop still on the plate. He suddenly didn't feel very hungry. Kara shot him an indignant look.

"I just got here, Lee. Are you trying to hint at something?" she asked him huffily. Despite his current, he couldn't help but smile once more.

"Yeah. You need to lose weight," he said, and laughed as he fled from her, dodging a lump of chucked mush.

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After fending Kara off with their normal bout of jokes and banter, Lee quickened his step to the hangar bay.

Truth be told, he _was_ spending a lot of his time with Polaris, though it was mostly in a one-sided way; the deckhand proved to be good company (sort of), and managed to give him a few tips about how to work on his Viper during preflight (though that was probably just to keep Lee from asking anything himself). But that wasn't why he spent so much time with him.

He couldn't quite explain it. He knew he was feeling a sort of protectiveness for the kid, though it was not _pity_ by far. No, that would have been the ultimate insult, and despite his young age the boy was someone Lee had come to look on with respect.

So why was he so drawn to him? Could be that he was like a little brother in a way, just as other members of the Galactica's crew felt like family to Lee. It _was_ wartime after all, and after the destruction of their world, it was only natural that everyone drew close to each other.

He saw strength in the young man, a strength that he had seen in only a few others. In a way, he was similar to a certain blond Viper pilot he knew; never trusting to let anyone else in on the pain and opting to shoulder his burden alone, no matter how brutal it may be.

A strength then, most definitely, but also a terrible weakness.

One that Lee had always looked upon in another with a pain of his own.

It hurt, yes, but hardly as much for himself than for the other. It was pain in knowing that he could not reach out; that even if he did, the other would not take his hand.

He felt infinitely small then, helpless and frustrated with himself.

Lords have mercy on them all...

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He finally found Polaris curled up in his favorite spot next to the crates. He wasn't moving.

"Crewman," he called. The boy made no movement. He nudged the prone form with his toe lightly. This time the boy twitched, but then did not respond other than that.

He was sleeping.

Lee stopped trying to shake the boy up when he realized this, and drew his hand back slowly. He knew for a fact Polaris hadn't gotten any rest over the last couple of days - they all hadn't, after two consecutive run-ins with Cylon raider scouts - and he didn't want to begrudge the boy of his hard-earned few hours of sleep. So instead, he crouched down next to the sleeping crewman.

He looked young in his sleep. Lee supposed everyone did; he had seen many of his pilots when they slept with their curtains wide open, and sleep always seemed to make them look younger, with the lines of worry gone from their faces.

But with Polaris, it was different.

In this state, it was hard for Lee to imagine he was a day older than fourteen. He looked so young, so innocent, so _boyish_, that he was almost surprised this was the very same smart-mouthed deckhand who tinkered and tuned a fighter airplane while simultaneously demanding whether or not the kindness shown to himself was pity or not.

It was hard to imagine he was in fact a symbol of what horrors man committed against man.

It was hard to imagine he was part of this war going on.

"Hey," he called softly, lightly shaking Polaris's shoulder. He stirred, but didn't wake. Lee shook a bit harder.

"Crewman, get up," he said. At the mention of his title, Polaris's eyes snapped open, and he sat up abruptly, albeit a bit dazedly.

"Oh. Sir..." Polaris mumbled. He rubbed his hands over his face.

"You shouldn't be sleeping here. Why not go to the rack?" Lee asked. Polaris shrugged. Lee noticed his movements were oddly stiff.

"Here," Lee held out the bottle of pain meds. Polaris looked up at the bottle in his hand, then his face, and then shifted his gaze back to the bottle. He seemed unable to realize what Lee was doing, as he sat there with a blank look on his face.

"The pain meds I promised you. I told you they would be here by next shipment."

"...Thank you," Polaris answered quietly. He was still staring at the bottle, but made no move to take it from Lee's hand.

"Aren't you going to take it?" Lee asked, a bit confused as to why Polaris wasn't pocketing the pills. Polaris blinked, then slowly reached up and took the meds from him. He sat there, staring at and fiddling with the bottle, and the silence was becoming so awkward that Lee wondered if he did the correct thing. He nearly breathed a sigh of relief when Polaris finally closed his fingers around the small bottle.

"I guess I'll go now then... uh, just tell me when you run out, and I'll get more for you, okay?"

Polaris nodded slowly as he rose from his seat on the floor, his eyes not for a moment straying from the medicine. Lee nodded back - why he did so he wasn't sure - and turned around to leave.

"Sir?" he heard Polaris call him. He turned around to look at the deckhand, who was leaning against the crates, the bottle of pain meds still clutched in his hand.

"Hm?"

"Why..." Polaris began, an uncertain frown on his face.

"Why are you being so... well, _nice_ to me?"

He could hear the underlying questions hidden within the one that Polaris had let slip past his lips. Why was he so nice to him? Why would he care about a lowlife, ragtag war orphan? Was it pity that drove the CAG to be so kind to a measly deckhand? What was it? Why?

He grinned at the boy.

"Because," he stated simply.

"I can."

And he left a very confused Polaris staring at the bottle in his hand.

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"There was a breakdown in the _Orion's_ FTL drive, so they are requesting maintenance... The _Hephaestus_ reports that there was a small accident with one of the machines so they will be a bit slow in processing any ores..." Gaeta said as he put down the folders one by one next to Lee. The latter nodded nonchalantly.

"...And sir, here's more on the _Minotaur_. They're asking to increase the amount of food and water by five percent next shipment," Gaeta handed Lee another stack of papers. Lee started and looked down at the folder blankly. He didn't take it.

"...Sir?" Gaeta prompted. Lee blinked and took the proffered folder.

"Thank you Lieutenant," Lee said, staring down at the papers with an unreadable expression on his face. His blue eyes were hard as they stayed pinned to the name of the ship typed neatly on one corner of the folder.

"Sir...? Is something wrong?" Ever the perceptive one, that Gaeta was. Lee blinked and shook his head.

"Ah... no, Lieutenant. Just spacing out for a bit... haven't had much sleep in the past few days..." Lee said, managing a small smile. Gaeta nodded and gave back a sympathetic grin before resuming his duties. Lee looked back down at the papers in his hand. His gaze was cool... almost too cool.

None of this escaped the watchful eyes of William Adama. He had been keeping an eye on his son for the past week; after that day of their small argument - if it could even be called that - his son seemed as normal as he ever was. He worked through his paperwork without any complaints, and had not made a single comment aside from the necessary to his father.

Adama knew his son understood the importance of the fleet's morale as well as he did. He didn't doubt for a moment that Lee wouldn't do something brash in his surge of anger. Perhaps someone else might have, but Lee was - despite his recent actions - still very much in cool control of himself. That didn't mean that he did not feel anything though. On the contrary, he felt too much.

Even though he was able to spend only a few hours a day at most with his son, William had noted several times when Lee let his guard slip for a rare moment. He read the confusion that flickered in his son's eyes from time to time, and he felt the almost imperceptible tension that ran through the young man's body that Lee himself probably was unaware of.

A father's eye, however, was more perceptive than that.

Despite the calm and professional front his son put up, William could feel that something was not right. It was almost as though Lee was _forcing_ himself to accept what was going on.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Even a five percent increase is too much. Unless we find a planet that has the necessary vegetation, the fleet needs to ration the food carefully," Lee said, placing the report down on Adama's desk.

"What about the orphans?" Adama asked, watching his CAG carefully. Lee hesitated for a moment, before replying.

"They're no different from the civilians. Resources need to be evenly distributed. We can't give them any special treatment. A sudden increase for one particular ship is going to cause discourse among the civilians."

Adama nodded his assent, and signed the papers laid out before him. Lee politely took the folder back when his father handed it to him.

"The marines have been brought in today. They'll receive a hearing, and most likely be dishonorably discharged," William said matter-of-factly as he handed the folder over. Lee's jaw seemed to clench for one moment, but his expression did not change.

"...I see. Will that be all, sir?"

"Yes. You are dismissed."

Lee saluted and left the office quietly.

It was only a few days since Lee had first come to him demanding an investigation on the months-old Minotaur Incident, and he, as Commander of the Colonial Fleet, had rejected. Now, he seemed to take it in stride, but William already saw the slight stiffening of his son's shoulders whenever the word 'Minotaur' was mentioned that indicated that Lee had in fact _not_ taken the matter lightly.

His demeanor these days seemed somewhat... off. Yes, he was acting as though nothing had happened. Yes, he didn't doubt Lee would not let word of the Minotaur Incident out to anyone else. He was seemingly moving on... and yet, something was not quite right.

He noted Lee was spending more of his time around the smallest deckhand, though the young man didn't seem to much care whether the CAG was trying to be friendly or not. He had also caught his son staring at the paperwork on the Minotaur with a queer expression in his eyes once or twice.

Bill sighed.

His son did indeed felt too much.

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_Thud_.

Lee was working his frustration out on the punching bag, while inwardly debating whether or not to approach his father once more on the subject of an investigation. He was being stubborn, and he knew it, but he couldn't let the subject just get dropped like that. It was wrong. It was immoral. It was...

"CAG?" a voice came from somewhere to his right. He swiveled around to see who the newcomer was. Polaris was sitting on one of the benches, calmly staring back at him. Judging from his stance, he had been there for quite a while.

"...Crewman. What is it?" he asked tonelessly. Right now, he didn't want to deal with anyone... much less the source of all his headache. Not that he could bring himself to blame the kid though.

He turned back around, returning to his workout. Polaris didn't say anything.

_Thud, thud. Punch, kick._

An awkward silence.

_Thud, thud, thud. THUD. Punch, punch._

"I hear the marines were brought in."

_Thud_.

"Yes, they have been."

_Punch_.

"Will they be charged?"

"No."

_Thudthud._

"Oh."

_Wham_.

At the particularly vicious swing it was forced to take, the punching bag swayed wildly on its chain. Silence seemed to fill the air once more, broken only by the sound of fists impacting with the battered sandbag. It was broken only when Polaris opened his mouth once more.

"...You know, my mom and dad owned a candy store," the boy said out of the blue. Lee paused.

"Back home on Virgon... Me and my brother loved the store. It was always there, as far back as I can remember. There were jellybeans, and chocolate, and caramel, and fudge, and honeysticks and rock candy... all of them piled up high in glass tubes that reached to the ceiling. We grew up on the best stuff, and almost never had those atrocious mass produced candy bars they sold in the supermarkets. Then I went to Picon... and there weren't really any candy stores like my parents' anywhere around school. I had to make do, because I couldn't have what I wanted and knew was so much better. But it couldn't be helped, and I was... okay with it," he scratched his head in a sheepish gesture. He also seemed to be struggling to get his point across.

"So I guess what I'm saying is... it's all right if I can't have the better deal. I can accept it. It's... well, it's all right," Polaris finished off, rather lamely. Without another word, he stood up from his corner of the gym and hightailed it out of the room, leaving a blank looking Lee in his wake.

Lee stared at the door confusedly. The blank look changed to a smile though, as he realized that he had just gotten his small friend to open the door deep within himself just a crack.

He took the gloves off and slung them onto a hook on the wall. Maybe he could catch a shower before going to the mess hall for dinner.

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To Be Continued

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yannik: Gyah, please do! I'm trying my very hardest not to try to make it lame. A fic with an OC in it usually does run a risk as being mushed in as Mary Sue/Gary Stu. And yes, it seemed a bit more likely that Adama would know of orphan ships, seeing as how he does go over all the reports (at least, what I've seen in Season 1). Plus he's the great _Zeus_ - the omnipotent deity. Thanks for the tip on "..." I'll try and cut back :D

Sis: T-T That is the absolute _last_ time you get a heads up on one of my fics. -goes and cries in a corner-


	4. Chapter Four: Like Home

**Title:** Polaris  
**Author:** Canis  
**Rating:** R (M)  
**Warnings:** Some disturbing topics  
**Spoilers:** Up to 2.08  
**Pairing:** Lee/Kara  
**Summary:** There are no morals in war. Lee-centric, slight LeeKara  
**Disclaimer:** I own them not, so sue me not.  
**Author's Note:** Please. Review. I live off reviews. One of my 'big sisters' can tell you how much I love reviews. I _bask_ in your reviews' glory. So review. Please.

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Chapter 4: Like Home

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Lee walked out onto the deck to look his Viper over. He had showered, but couldn't sleep.

It wasn't five minutes before Lee realized he wasn't alone in the bay.

He saw the boy hunched over something. He saw the boy's hands moving busily on top of said something.

But what drew him to the boy was the smell coming from where the boy was sitting.

It smelled sweet.

It smelled like...

"Caramel?" he asked, peering over Polaris' shoulder. The deckhand looked up, surprised at the presence of a newcomer. In his hand was a spoon, and in front of him was a small pan over a booster. With a mass of nicely browned candy all over it.

"Sir!" Polaris exclaimed. He stood up to salute him, though he was more than careful to avoid kicking the pan over. Lee nodded back and looked down at the caramel coated pan once more.

"Caramel? How in hell did you manage that?" he asked, crouching in front the pan and looking the hunk of candy over. It wasn't as soft as store bought ones were, but it was caramel.

It had been months since he had seen caramel.

So he just stared at the candy, not noticing Polaris sitting back down next to him to cut a fair sized piece out of the large mass and handing it to him. Only after a nudge did he realize Polaris was offering him the piece of candy. He looked back at him. Polaris made a slight gesture, prompting him to take the proffered treat. After a moment's hesitation, he took the still warm caramel out of Polaris's sticky fingers.

It had been a long time since he had seen any form of sweet. Lords, but he had missed the small things from home - not just candy, but other stuff too, like cigars, soda, pastry...

"Tastes like home, doesn't it?" Polaris asked with a small, somewhat proud grin. It was the first time he had ever seen the boy smiling.

Lee nodded.

Polaris's grin grew even bigger.

"I used to do this back at school, whenever I missed home. Not as good as how mom used to make it, but it's better than nothing. Kind of reassured me that everything would be okay, because I still have something left from my old home," he said, as he worked to scrape the caramel off the pan and onto a nearby greased tray. He cut the caramel in long strips, then cut them once more in bite-sized rectangles.

"It helps now too. Some things don't change," he murmured, sifting more sugar onto the pan. He carefully turned the dial on the booster, then sat back to wait for the sugar to melt.

"That's why I hold onto it."

Polaris murmured, then laughed a bit embarrassedly as he began to move the melted sugar around the pan once more, just like he had done when Lee had first found him.

A sad laugh.

And Lee laughed along with him.

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CAP was uneventful, so patrol went by without trouble. No dradis contact. No Cylons blowing things up. No mistakes while landing for anyone.

A boring end to a boring day.

Kara and Lee trudged down the corridors wordlessly. It had been quiet for a couple of weeks now. There was no action whatsoever, and the nuggets were pulling through pretty well. Though Kara wasn't saying anything, Lee knew she was proud of the way her nuggets were shaping up. And she had every right to be.

He didn't know how she did it. No matter what kind of mess came her way, she always managed to come out of it without batting an eyelash - not unscathed of course, but also stronger each time she did. Over the years he had known her, Lee had never stopped being amazed at the resilience of the miracle in the form of a certain Kara Thrace.

She had had more than her share of tragedy, of course. There was the ending of the world. And before that, there was Zak's death, something that though he and his father did not blame her for, she blamed herself harshly to have caused. Then there were the numerous bumps along the road as they came to accept the new kind of life (and what a simple, and yet somehow most complicated sort of life it was!), even aside from the constant threat of death. Like her getting lost on that moon. Like the fight they had after Colonial Day. Like Caprica.

Caprica.

That was the one thing Lee could not forgive himself for. Oh, he knew he had frakked things up _bad_ between the two of them then; he had hit her, and accused her of being a slut, while being a coward unable to tell her he would miss her, even after he had driven her to take on what was seemingly a suicide mission.

He knew she had gotten hurt while she was back 'home.' And not just physically, either; he had immediately noted something upon her arrival on the Astral Queen, a fatigue, a weakness, a _pain_ - something that had worn her down so much that she had, in fact not turned away from his rather open display of... affection. She still did not reveal to him what it was, of course.

Because Kara Thrace never let anyone else take on her burden.

As they reached the locker room, Lee took a closer look at Kara's face. There were lines of fatigue adorning her face - no surprise, really, since they were pulling the same amount of double shifts even without the Cylons attacking them at every twist and turn.

She truly was a remarkable woman.

For a fleeting moment he wondered if Kara had ever imagined, even once, that she would be in such a predicament as she was right now. He certainly hadn't. Yes, they had both gone through flight school and trained to be Viper pilots. But never once had he thought himself to have to lead other men and women in battle. He never thought himself to be cut out for that job. He still wasn't certain about it, either.

Yet here they both were, living everyday like a dog thrown into water. Everyday, it wore a little bit away at them, but they had to stay steadfast.

Sink, or swim.

He opened his locker door a tad forcefully, so that it clanged noisily against the door next to it.Yet the item on the top shelf of his locker did manage to bring a slight smile on the worn out CAG's face.

He reached in and pulled the little brown paper bag out.

That night when he had caught Polaris making caramel, the boy had given him the entire batch that he had made, saving only five or six pieces for himself. He claimed that he could always make more, since he knew how to.

He opened the paper bag and looked inside. It was full of small rectangles, each painstakingly wrapped in wax paper so as to prevent them from sticking to each other and causing a mess. He fished one out, then glanced at Kara, who was changing behind him. He took a moment to admire the bared shoulders before tapping one of them. Kara turned to glance at him.

He held out his hand. Kara squinted at the small object wrapped in wax paper.

"What is that?"

"Take it and see for yourself," Lee answered with a wink. Kara rolled her eyes, but took the offered gift and scrutinized it, before finally unwrapping it.

"What is this?" she asked, staring at the little brown rectangle in her palm.

"Bite it," Lee said dryly. Kara gave him another look, but complied. The skepticism on her face melted away once she got a good taste of the bite of candy in her mouth. Lee watched with an increasingly smug grin on his face as Kara's eyes slid shut in small pleasure. She had always been a sucker for sweets.

"So, how do you like it?" he asked after a few moments of rapture on Kara's part. Kara's eyes popped open.

"Tastes like..." she began, then swallowed before starting again.

"Tastes like home," she finally managed out. Lee raised an eyebrow.

"Poetic, Kara."

"Shut up, Lee. Wherever in hell did you get _caramel_ from?"

"Some secrets I don't share."

Kara grinned.

"A girl can try."

"And fail miserably."

"Shut up, Lee."

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After a few more attempts of Kara's to try and wheedle where he got a whole bagful of caramel from, Lee managed to escape further questioning by giving Kara five more pieces. At this rate he would lose the whole bagful before a week passed. Perhaps he should ask Polaris to make another batch - this time teaching him how to make some as well.

He was going to see the deckhand right now. The next shipment of meds had come in, and he had figured the boy was running pretty low on the last bottle by now. Since it had been rather quiet these days, Polaris had taken on the job of fixing up the Mark VII; he and the Chief were drawing a blueprint of it as the boy hammered out the dents and polished away the scratches.

It was a rare treat in itself to see the boy's eyes light up whenever he was working. He truly loved the birds - as much as Lee did, in fact, although in a different way. He suspected even the half-alive Cylon raiders would submit themselves to the boy's care should Polaris's hands ever come near them. The boy absolutely adored any type of aircrafts.

The deck was almost empty when he arrived, with only a couple of deckhands here and there. He did find Seelix talking to another specialist. They were conversing about how the supports seemed to be creaky these days, and that they would need new ones soon. Lee winced inwardly. That would mean more paperwork for him.

He didn't see his favorite knuckledragger anywhere though.

"Where's Polaris?"

"He's... trying to pry a bolt off your Viper, sir," Seelix said, suppressing a grin as she pointed to where two legs were sticking out from beneath the Viper. A few frustrated growls could be heard now and then.

"Oh come on, get _off, _you... Ow! You stupid son of a - ow!"

A string of expletives, then a cry of triumph, and Polaris was sliding out from underneath the Viper once more with a grease-blackened bolt in his hand.

"HAH! Got you off, didn't I? Who's the man now, who's the... Oh, sir," he said, surprised. Lee laughed.

"So, who's the man?" he asked teasingly. Polaris flushed in embarrassment.

"Um..."

Lee arched an eyebrow. Polaris cleared his throat awkwardly as he reached for a rag.

"What brings you down here?" he asked, finally locating one and snagging it.

"I'm running away from a battalion of Cylon centurions. Not," Lee rolled his eyes and sat down next to Viper. He ran a hand over the metal frame in awe. Polaris had done a great job getting the numerous dents and scrapes out of the Mark VII.

"However did you get rid of that huge burn mark?" he asked, rubbing at one particular spot that once had a nasty black mark soldered onto it.

"Eh... well I kind of had to scrape at the metal a bit..." Polaris began. He was stopped short though, for several things happened at once then.

The first thing Lee heard was a crunch and a snap, then there was a horrible screeching sound, followed by a lower _creak_. Somewhere in the background he heard Polaris's shout of surprise. He saw a shadow closing over him, and realized a second later that it was the wing of his Viper crashing down over him, and then his mind was screaming at him, to get out, to move, getoutgetoutmovegetoutmovemovemove!

Too late. He closed his eyes and waited for the impact, and half a split second later felt something slam into him. It wasn't cold and metallic though. It was warm, and a hell of a lot lighter than twenty tons of fighter aircraft.

And he was still alive to process this information.

He froze. His eyes snapped open. He felt like someone had sucker punched him. He couldn't breathe. He could only watch, as the body of the deck gang's youngest member disappeared beneath the falling Viper.

Polaris didn't even have a chance to scream before the wing of the Viper collapsed on top of him. One moment he was wiping his grease smudged hands on a semi-clean rag, and the next, he was a crushed, broken mess under the body of a Viper.

A thin trail of blood was seeping out from under the Viper's wing. It made its way towards Lee slowly, before halting, then sadly turning to the side.

Not a sound could be heard on deck.

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To Be Continued

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Michelle: Heyyy... I finally managed to get this thing beta-ed. Will go over the chapters I wrote before soon enough, but here's the next chappie for you :) Enjoy!

Special thanks to: Aryali nuna. Thanks for the beta!


	5. Chapter Five: Of Guilt and Gratitude

**Title:** Polaris  
**Author:** Canis  
**Rating:** R (M)  
**Warnings:** Some disturbing topics  
**Spoilers:** Up to 2.08  
**Pairing:** Lee/Kara  
**Summary:** There are no morals in war. Lee-centric, slight LeeKara  
**Disclaimer:** I own them not, so sue me not.  
**Author's Note:** Please. Review. I live off reviews. One of my 'big sisters' can tell you how much I love reviews. I _bask_ in your reviews' glory. So review. Please.

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Chapter 5: Of Guilt and Gratitude

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Not a single person was in the bunk room when Kara entered, save for the single, lone figure lying motionlessly in a bunk.

The CAG was pulling double, triple shifts like a madman, and took breaks only between his shifts to work his duties in CIC. He could be seen rarely in the mess hall, and when he _was_ seen, he was eating just enough to keep himself from starving to death, and barely enough to keep himself full.

Anyone could see that he was half dead with fatigue. But not a single person ever saw him sleep during the four days followed the accident in the hangar bay.

Kara stared at Lee's back. His face was turned away from her, but she knew that he knew that she was there. Without invitation, she took a seat on the edge of the bunk behind Lee. He didn't bother to turn to look at her.

"Lee?" she called quietly.

No response.

"Lee, come on, I know you're not sleeping."

"...Get lost."

"I will. Once you tell me what's going on."

"You know exactly what the hell is going on," he snapped. His tone was hard, and clipped - but he also sounded as though he was suppressing something, and that something was far from anger.

"Fine. Let me rephrase that. I want to know what's going on _with you_."

"Just leave me alone, Kara," Lee muttered tiredly, burying his head into the pillow. She stubbornly tugged at his arm.

"Talk to me. This isn't like you."

"Then you don't know what I'm like."

That hurt. She knew that was probably the exhaustion and mental stress talking, but she still couldn't help but feel a tad wounded at the way Lee brushed aside the years they had spent together, the countless times they saved each other's lives, the bond they shared that was unlike any other kind of bond either had ever had with others-.

Now was not the time.

"All right. Maybe I don't. But I do know that at the very least, Captain Lee Adama isn't the type of person to just ignore a kid who saved his life, especially when that same kid is in the Life Station on the verge of dying."

"Stop it."

"Four days he's been in there, and you didn't visit _once_. What's the hell is up with that, Lee?"

"Stop," he whispered, burrowing deeper into the pillow.

"Cottle told us to prepare for the worst when he went into surgery. And yet he's still been holding out stubbornly. Why do you think he's doing that, when every single time he _breathes_ it hurts him like hell? Why-."

"STOP IT!"

Kara's took an involuntary step back when Lee finally retaliated. He was shaking.

"Stop it..." Lee repeated, this time softly. He finally sat up, leaning on the wall of his bunk and burying his face in his hands.

"I can't go," he finally blurted out, staring hard at the floor.

"Why _not_?"

"Because it's _my_ fault he's in there! _I_ touched that Mark VII, and the cable snapped! _I_ was supposed to be the one caught under that Viper, and instead a kid pushes me out from under it and is now dying in the sickbay _in my stead_!"

"Lee, you know it wasn't your fault."

"It _is_ my fault-."

"Lee, you said it yourself. You touched that Viper. You didn't pull it, or push it down, and even if you did, those cables were not supposed to snap. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It just... happened."

The frustration that had threatened to engulf Kara sheer moments ago was melting away as she kneeled before him and tried to peer at his face. He wouldn't look at her, and turned away when she tried to get in his line of sight.

So once again, she did the one thing that she almost never did.

She held him.

And there he broke down, nestled in her arms and his face buried in her shoulder as he wept, the sobs wracking his body roughly. All the while she held him there, gently rubbing his back and soothing away his cries. She didn't know how long they had stayed that way. An hour? Two hours? It didn't matter.

Even after his sobs had died down, she did not let go of him. For once, he had completely opened up to her, telling her all the things he could not tell anyone else; how he tried to salvage whatever he could from the horrors man had caused in the form of being there for the boy, because he couldn't do anything else, call him selfish but he had wanted to fix the wrongs done some way, _any_ way, that this wasn't the humanity that he had believed all along that he had been protecting... How nothing was moral, and he was powerless to stop it... How he wanted and tried so hard to change things, and yet when he tried, people only got hurt even more...

And when all was quiet, she gently kissed him. It was soft, unlike the ones they had shared in the past; the quick, excited ones when something went immensely great, the ones on the cheek or the forehead when one needed mental support, the one they had shared when she had returned from Caprica.

For a few moments she kissed him, then she pulled away to look him in the eyes once more. He didn't seem any less anguished, nor did he seem a bit convinced that none of this situation was, in fact, his fault, but he was a slight bit calmer. He blinked, then stood up shakily. She let him. And when he pulled away from her completely, soon leaving her alone in the quarters, she didn't follow him. She couldn't.

Kara sighed.

They still had a long way to go.

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Visiting hours were over, yet when the nurses saw him, they let the CAG by wordlessly. It seemed they already knew who he was here to see.

He entered the sickbay with trepidation weighing over his head like a dark storm cloud. Oh, he already knew the boy was bad off; had Kara not said he was dying? He himself was not sure what had driven him to finally come to the Life Station.

_And yet..._

The deckhand was asleep when Lee entered the 'room'. Cottle was standing over him, adjusting the IV and various other tubes leading into the small, thin, broken body. The doctor barely cast him a glance, but in that short instant, Lee knew.

Polaris was dying.

Cottle, finished with his checkup, turned to leave the area, beckoning him to the side as he shut the area off with a curtain once more. He lit a cigarette, then offered the pack to Lee. Lee shook his head no.

"...Look, you should know. He's obviously not going to make it," the major said gruffly after a puff of nicotine. Lee remained silent.

"I'm not going to steamroll you with all the medical bullshit. All I'm going to tell you is that the best we could do in this situation was to numb his senses. With the amount of painkillers we shoved into his system, he won't be feeling a thing."

"...I see." His voice was monotonous, if a bit quieter than usual. Devoid of emotion... but then again, what _was_ he supposed to feel? Perhaps he should be grateful? At the very least, the boy wasn't in pain...

"You may go ahead and see him then. Though I wouldn't hope..." the major didn't bother to finish his sentence as he moved away from the curtained off area. He didn't need to. The patient may not awaken... and perhaps it was best that way.

Gearing up his willpower, Lee paused before lifting up his hand to draw the curtain back once more.

Polaris's eyes were open.

They held a dazed look in them, a sort of glaze covering the black, black depths. He didn't seem to recognize who Lee was, much less the predicament he was in.

"Hey... How are you doing?" Lee asked softly. There was, of course, no answer on the boy's part. That was all right. He had not expected any.

What was he supposed to say?

The words tumbled out of his mouth before he even realized it.

"The deck crew misses you, you know. No one's going to admit to it, but everyone wants you to hurry and come back. Even Cally doesn't have the knack at undoing those tiny bolts that you do."

He was rambling, and he knew it. Polaris's eyes still held no look of cognizance in them, but Lee pretended he had heard him all the same.

"Starbuck said it tastes like home, too. She wants to know where I got the caramel from. I think I might have to put a padlock on my locker, if she doesn't stop asking."

Caramel. A small taste of home that the boy had managed to keep with him. It had so obviously been something he had cherished, and yet he had let Lee have a taste of it himself - both literally and figuratively. Though now was definitely not the time, he could almost taste the bittersweet flavor of the small rectangular candy made by the boy lying in front of him.

"I..."

Lords of Kobol, _what_ was he supposed to tell this boy?

"I'm... sorry..."

I'm sorry... for so many things...

"I... never got to say thanks..."

Thanks for what? For the candy? For tuning up the Vipers? For showing him how ignorant he had been? For-

"Thanks... for everything."

And in that moment, Lee saw a change come in the small, broken form before him. For an instant, his eyes took on a familiar glow in them then, the very same glow he had only when he was working on the Vipers. For an instant, Lee let himself believe that things would turn out okay, that the boy would be fine...

But the next instant, the glow flickered, and then died out, leaving only a blank and glassy gaze staring back at Lee. The pillow sank a tiny bit, the thin shoulders seemed to slump a little, and a monotonous beep echoed through the small 'room'...

Just like that... the boy was dead.

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_Crewman Polaris died early morning on May 19th, exactly three months after the Hephaestus incident and two weeks before his seventeenth birthday. A picture was placed in the hallway where pictures of the hundreds lost adorned the wall upon Lee's insistence. The body was sent out to space in a closed casket, with only a few members of the deck crew and a couple of officers gathered to see him off._

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To Be Continued

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gibgirl4: Ahh yes, there are moments when it's hard to resist throw in a bit of L/K now and then. Hope you won't be too angry with what I did to Polaris this chapter... XD;;;

Alexandria1: Oh dear. My apologies... and my thanks for showing so much enthusiasm for my fic. Here's the update!

starbuck042786: -runs and hides under his bed and shivers- Nuuu... you wouldn't do anything to the author now, would you? I still have more to put up... (feeble excuse)

Sis: Love you too sis, very very much. And yes, thank God for nuna!


	6. Chapter Six: Letting Go

**Title:** Polaris  
**Author:** Canis  
**Rating:** R (M)  
**Warnings:** Some disturbing topics  
**Spoilers:** Up to 2.08  
**Pairing:** Lee/Kara  
**Summary:** There are no morals in war. Lee-centric, slight LeeKara  
**Disclaimer:** I own them not, so sue me not.  
**Author's Note:** Please. Review. I live off reviews. One of my 'big sisters' can tell you how much I love reviews. I _bask_ in your reviews' glory. So review. Please.

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Chapter 6: Letting Go

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_Crewman Polaris died early morning on May 19th, exactly three months after the Hephaestus incident and two weeks before his seventeenth birthday. A picture was placed in the hallway where pictures of the hundreds lost adorned the wall upon Lee's insistence. The body was sent out to space in a closed casket, with only a few members of the deck crew and a couple of officers gathered to see him off._

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The deck was silent these days. The death of one of their own loomed over the head of the crew like a dark cloud threatening to burst into a storm any minute. They worked, but they lacked enthusiasm.

Then there was the CAG from hell. Or at least, the CAG who looked like hell.

When he reached the deck, the first thing Commander William Adama noticed was the young woman he thought of as a daughter leaning rather gloomily against the entranceway. He peered over Kara's shoulder to see what she was looking at.

Lee was sitting on the floor of the deck, leaning against the crates and staring at the open belly of his Viper. It had never been put back together, not since the day Polaris pushed Lee out from under it.

"He's been sitting there all day. Everyone's too afraid to even go near him," Kara informed the Commander when she saw him draw near. William gave her a questioning look, which she shrugged off.

"I already tried talking to him this morning. He wouldn't budge."

"Did he say anything?"

"Nothing. He's just sitting there like a clam," she sighed and moved from her spot leaning against the doorway. "I guess another try won't hurt. Doubt it will help much either, but still." She moved to approach Lee, but Bill reached out to restrain her. Kara gave him a questioning look.

"No, let me talk to him," he said. Kara looked a bit surprised at this, but moved aside to let the Old Man through before walking off to give the two some privacy. The crew glanced at her and the Commander, then at their captain once more, before finally walking away as well.

The deck was empty now save for the father and son now. Adama carefully strode up to where his eldest son was sitting. He could remember, though the memory was already vague, a certain specialist favoring to sit here during his breaks as well. A certain specialist no longer with them now. He sighed and shook his head, preparing himself to deal with his boy.

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Lee stared at the unfinished panel of his Viper. It had been five whole days since Polaris had been working on it. Five days. Five sickening, gut-wrenching days that ended with him left with an empty pit in his stomach, and another one of Galactica's specialists lost. Yes, the boy had been just another one of them.

So _why _did it hurt so _frakking much_?

Oh yes. Because this boy had died because of _him_. A perfectly fine boy, great asset to the Galactica and above all just a bright, dependable kid, a child that he had tried so hard to help, to do something for that was _right_ - and now he was dead and gone. Because of _him_.

It ate away at him, like lab acid did a piece of specimen. Guilt rendered him limb from limb, until he could not find the strength within him to do anything except just lay there and _feel_. But he felt nothing. But he felt everything.

Gods, it _hurt_.

"Lee."

He had not heard his father approach, and right now he was too damned tired to even jump in surprise. He was too tired to even answer. So he just sat there and gazed at the Viper that had claimed the life of another one of Galactica's knuckledraggers.

Just another knuckledragger.

"He was a good deckhand," Adama said quietly, and all of a sudden everything Lee had been pushing down blew.

"...You know what I keep thinking whenever I come to this deck? That I'm the reason why another person, another _boy _lost his life."

The father did not respond. He didn't need to. Lee continued, not even noticing his father's silence.

"You know, he was once someone's little boy too. He was someone else's precious son, someone else's pesky brother, someone who a lot of people wanted only the best for. Someone a lot of people wanted for to have a happy life. And now he's dead and gone. What am I supposed to tell his family when I meet them someday up there, Dad? Is that all I have to say when they ask me why I let their son, their brother die? 'He was a good deckhand'? Is that all there is to it, Dad? Is that all he was? A mere deckhand? Yeah Dad, He was a good deckhand. He was great with planes. He could make even the most stubborn of bolts come off. He could put together an engine in six hours. But that's not going to be enough when they ask me why. It's never going to be enough. And even though I know that, I can't change a single, _frakking _thing, because now he's dead,"Lee spat. He rose from his seat and spun around to face his father.

"He's dead, Dad. He's dead, just like the rest of the world is. But this time, he's dead because of _me_. Do you really think that telling anyone this boy was a good deckhand will ever erase that?" Lee's voice cracked at the very end of his query. He grit his teeth and pushed past his father out of the bay. William did not follow. He knew that his son was hurting, had known that his angry outburst was spurred from a fury not directed towards him, but towards Lee himself.

He hurt for his boy. He wanted to just hold his son in his arms, his lonely, hurting, precious son, and let him cry on his shoulder just like he had when the man was a little boy. He wanted to let Lee cry, and cry, and cry, until finally his son would be too tired to cry anymore.

But he could not. It wasn't because of the military ranks that separated them. It was because he knew Lee needed to sort through this by himself.

So he would give him his space now, give him his time to mourn.

He had faith in his son.

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Kara stepped into the Life Station warily. She hated coming here, and usually avoided the place at all costs - but this time she was not here for herself. She was here for Lee. He had split his knuckles up quite badly last night; she had been about to fall asleep when she saw him walking it, his tanks stained with sweat and blood dribbling down his fingers. No doubt he had been in the gym venting his frustrations on the punching bag. She knew he would need something to tape his hand up, keep it from getting infected, and after all the flak that he had gone through recently, she figured she could do him the favor of doing him something he wouldn't bother to do himself.

To her bad luck, Cottle was the first person she saw when she entered the sickbay, and he didn't hesitate to shoot her his "Oh-Gods-Not-You-Again-What-Have-You-Done-To-Yourself-_This_-Time?" look.

"Hey, it's not for me this time," she said defensively. Cottle raised an eyebrow, but his expression remained skeptical. Kara frowned.

"I just came here for some bandages."

"Who is it for?" the doctor asked, though he turned around and was already rummaging through the cabinets for the items in question. Starbuck shrugged evasively. Cottle returned and gave her two fresh rolls of medical tape, as well as a bit of sterile gauze.

"Thanks Doc," she turned to leave, when Cottle stopped her.

"Here, I almost forgot. Give this to that captain of yours, will you?" he said, handing Kara a piece of paper folded in half. Kara took it and gave it a cursory glance.

"What is this?"

"A letter," Cottle mumbled around the cigarette he was lighting.

"Who from?"

"From that kid who got caught under the Viper. One of the nurses found it by his pillow when they were cleaning the sheets up. It's got the captain's name on it. Now scat, I've got work to do. Patients to keep alive," Cottle grumbled, but his words were more grim than irritated. Kara let him chase her out of the sickbay. It wasn't as though she wanted to stay in the first place.

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Lee lay on his bunk and stared at the ceiling above him. The quarters were quiet for once - everyone was either on shift or gathered around a triad table - and he was all alone in the room. That was fine. He didn't need a green nugget giving him a headache right now.

He knew without looking that it was Kara entering the quarters. No one else was willing to deal with the CAG from hell. That was fine, too. He hadn't hoped for anything from them in the first place.

She climbed up onto the bunk next to him.

"Here," she said, holding one hand out. Lee gave her a queer look. Kara rolled her eyes.

"Your hand, Lee. The one you busted up last night. Don't think I didn't notice the blood," she said dryly. Lee complied and held his right hand out. He was too tired to argue, anyway.

She was surprisingly gentle with him, taking his hand in one of hers while the other lightly wiped it with a patch of alcohol-soaked cloth, then placed the gauze on his knuckles and wrapped the medical tape carefully around the injured area. Neither spoke as Kara patched his hand up. Words were redundant after all, when silence spoke volumes.

Even when she was finished taping his hand up in a slightly untidy, but not too tacky fashion, she did not release him, but rather kept his hand in her own. They stayed that way for a while, Kara silently offering him comfort while Lee wordlessly accepted. It was all they could do. Then Kara reached into her pocket with her free hand and pulled out a folded up piece of paper.

"Here," she finally said, breaking the silence between them. Lee quietly took the note and looked at her questioningly.

"It's for you. Doc told me... Doc told me they found it next to his pillow in sickbay," she said. Understanding dawned in Lee's blue eyes, but they did not have the same rage as he did just last night. Rather, they were tired, _resigned_, as though the man everyone believed so strong had finally just given up. Lee took the letter in his uninjured hand and stared at its contents. Kara briefly wondered if she should leave - it was a personal moment, after all - but as Lee made no indication that he wanted to be alone, she stayed put, albeit slightly uncertainly.

When he finished reading, Lee's eyes still had a distant look in them, a blank, glassy look that made Kara unsure if he was still there with her, or lost within his own thought. His hold on the paper loosened, and the letter drooped out of his hands and landed on his lap. Then Lee began laughing.

It wasn't a humored laughter by far, laced with such remorse that Kara winced upon hearing it. She picked up the letter from his lap and looked up at him, seeking permission. He had his head cradled in his hands, his shoulders shaking with laughter. She trained her eyes to the small piece of paper in front of him. It was filled with scribbles, a shaky and weak handwriting indicating that the writer had almost no strength in his hands when he wrote this. They were still legible though.

_Don't know how to start this... never wrote a letter to an officer before. Sorry sir, if this letter sounds a bit blunt... But I want to get this done before... well, I just want to get this done._

_I still don't understand why you were so nice to me. I thought it was pity at first, but you didn't show any sign of that; you didn't shoot me those looks that screamed 'poor kid,' and you never tried to help me when I honestly didn't want you to. You only helped when I needed it. _

_I guess I really won't ever find out why you were nice to me._

_Doc says I don't have much time left. I'm on a lot of painkillers, so I can't even feel this pen in my hand. Guess that's good. I can write as much as I want._

_Guess I can't try my luck at surviving a second accident though. Cause that's what it was. An accident. It's no one's fault. It just happened._

_This sucks though... I don't want to die yet. I still have to finish working on that panel of your Viper. I had a really nice idea for tuning too..._

_Chief is going to yell at me. Specialist Polaris may be no more... haha._

_Specialist Polaris..._

_Polaris._

_That actually kind of sounds nice now..._

_You know, I used to hate my middle name. I said it was dorky, but really, I didn't think I could be the type of person my parents wanted me to be, dependable and bright. They said I was living up to my name, but I was always afraid I'd do something wrong and disappoint them._

_But that's not what Polaris does. Polaris is a star that's bright so that it could be easily seeked out by people lost. Polaris is a star that's dependable because really, it's the compass that helps those lost find their way back home. Polaris is a star that stays in the same place, stays as the standard, so that amidst panic it can be an assurance that everything will be all right, because it'll always be there._

_Funny, I never knew what my name really meant until recently. I figure I haven't been living up to my name at all, because you know what? I found another person who is like that, so bright that people can't help but notice him, and dependable to the point that people cannot think to survive without him. I found a man who always stays there so that people who need him will always know where to look. I know a man like that. _

_I guess it's okay then._

_'Cause now I know who the real Polaris is._

_Sincerely,_

_A brat_

She could almost hear the boy's soft voice whispering the words along as she read the lines. Though it was still the typical smart-mouthed teenager's voice, there was no spite and bitterness in the words weakly scribbled onto the piece of paper.

Almost as though he were free.

Almost as though he had found a way back... back 'home,' back to the once happy and guileless boy he had once been.

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Lee's laughter was beginning to verge dangerously closer to sobs by the time Kara finished reading.

"Lee."

"Hah... Not my fault... Of course it's my fault..."

"Lee, Lee. Look at me."

"I can't..."

Kara gently forced Lee's head to turn and face hers, and for a split second their eyes met. What she saw was not something she was prepared for.

Pain. Absolute, unadulterated, pure pain.

"Lee..."

"...I killed him."

He had quieted, staring miserably at the floor.

"Lee, stop this. You know it's not your fault that Viper fell-" she said softly, but he cut her off.

"But it _is. _It_ is _my fault that he was the one crushed under it. Don't you see, Kara? I can't do a single thing without frakking things up. I try to fix something, it ends up turning out even worse than it started out to be. I try to do the right thing, and people end up being killed... Like it happened with this boy. Like it happened with the nuggets I took with me on that fuel mission. Like it happened with Dad, when I committed mutiny and he ended up being shot by Boomer because I couldn't be there for him. Like I did with you-."

Here, he stopped, cutting himself off before he could let out anymore words. He had messed up, apparently; that last bit, at the very least, was not something that was supposed to be let out, something he himself tried to keep to himself, something she wasn't to know of. But it was, and he couldn't, and she did.

"Nothing happened to me, Lee," she said quietly. Lee didn't meet her eyes.

"Lee, nothing happened to me that was your fault."

"Yes, it did."

"What did?" Her voice was barely a whisper as she once again raised his head to meet her. This time he made no resistance. His eyes were forlorn.

"Caprica."

Inwardly she winced. She remembered the fight they had before she left very well; that had to be one of the bigger and long lasting fights she had ever had with Lee during all those years she had known him. But she didn't blame him. She never had. She may have been hurt, but she never blamed him for her frakking up - literally, in this sense.

"That wasn't your fault, Lee."

"I hurt you."

"_I_ hurt _you_..."

Yes, they had exchanged punches. But what was more, she had seen that look in his eyes, the look of ultimate betrayal as he stood there on the deck demanding why, just why she had slept with Baltar. She had hurt him that way, too, and that pain was more than the one she inflicted with her fist.

"I was an idiot... foolish... petty..."

He raised a hand to cover the hand that held his face up.

"...Stupid for letting him come between you and me."

His hands were like ice, frigid like the way he was undoubtedly feeling deep inside - cold, and lonely.

She kissed him.

He kissed back, hungrily. He was like a starved man, and she supposed he was - he was starved for comfort and support, a voice to tell him that he was going in the right direction.

She pulled him up, while keeping her lips firmly connected to his. His hands instinctively rose to her waist, easily spanning it and caressing her in an increasingly heated fervor.

Somehow they ended up on his bed, with him laying flat on his back and she straddling him. However, when her hands began to move lower, he reached out to hold them in place.

"I don't..."

"...Lee?"

"I don't want you to do this just because you feel sorry," he murmured, looking away. For the third time that day, he turned his head to face her.

"I'm _not_ doing this because I'm sorry. I'm doing this because I want to," she said, calmly and clearly, before she leaned forward to kiss him.

"I want _you_," she murmured against his lips.

"You don't need to do this," he sighed. Kara's only response was to tug at the hem of Lee's tanks. He let her undress him then, laying back and watching her as she stripped him and afterwards herself until there wasn't a single barrier between the two of them. She climbed back onto his body until every inch of their skin was pressed against each other.

"Let it go, Lee," she whispered into his ear. He closed his eyes, then by instinct flipped her over so that he was on top and nuzzled her neck.

He shuddered.

She pulled away slightly to force him to look at her.

"Focus on me, Lee," she whispered. She placed one hand alongside his jaw, while the other guided his hand to her breast.

"Focus on me..." she breathed into his ear, before turning to lightly kiss the side of his face.

"Focus on this..." she added pressure atop his hand on her breast.

"Focus on what we have right now." She ground their hips together, rubbing their rapidly growing heats in a slow pattern. Lee nearly whimpered as he ducked his head to bury it within the crook of her neck once more.

"Kara..." he mumbled against the soft skin. She involuntarily shivered at the vibrations he sent through her body.

"Ah... Lee..."

"Kara... Kara..."

"Gods, Lee... Lee... Ah...!"

Her back arched and rose off the bed as he thrust into her in one swift stroke.

For one breathless moment they were still, savoring the feeling of him finally being within her. They fit perfectly; though both had had many a lover and a warmed bed in the past, none of them came close to the feeling that was shared in the split second that he melded with her, became one with her.

Passion flared between the two of them, yes, but what fueled their union was more than that. Loneliness and pent up longing, self doubt and pain had finally broken Lee Adama, baring him for her and her only to see, to hold, to comfort. To love.

Their fingers were entwined, and his arms were braced on either side of her head as he moved above her and within her, trapping her and keeping her ensnared within his embrace, as though he were afraid to lose the one source of comfort he had found after an eternity of being alone. Lords, he had needed this. He had needed her.

There was no way she could possibly leave him.

So she pulled him towards her once more, holding him to herself while he released into her his pain, his loneliness, his tears that he could not bear to shed.

And afterwards, when he finally succumbed to sleep, she still held him.

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To Be Continued

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jeps: Aiya, it seems many people are not happy to see our little knuckledragger go... XD;; Lee will cope (...koffsomehowkoff...). He does have Starbuck after all. :D

gibgirl4: I managed to throw in the L/K this round. I had a lot of... suggestions... from a certain 'sister' of mine XD (Not M-rated for nothing... haha). There will be an epilogue after this chapter dealing with... er... stuff. You'll just have to wait and see though to know exactly what it is... :D

aloysius: Heyo, nuna. Thanks for all the betaing once again. I don't write OC fics if I can help it... Sadly people seem to generally ignore fics that contain OC's in it (though I do understand why). You hit the point dead on though... Good to know I'm conveying my original theme to my readers.

starbuck042786: Well if you liked the L/K moments up til now, I'm proud to present to you this chapter. I tried to cram as much Lee/Kara into this one... again, not M-rated for nothing. Seems like you took a liking for Polaris as well... XD;;


	7. Epilogue

**Title:** Polaris  
**Author:** Canis  
**Rating:** R (M)  
**Warnings:** Some disturbing topics  
**Spoilers:** Up to 2.08  
**Pairing:** Lee/Kara  
**Summary:** There are no morals in war. Lee-centric, slight LeeKara  
**Disclaimer:** I own them not, so sue me not.  
**Author's Note:** Please. Review. I live off reviews. One of my 'big sisters' can tell you how much I love reviews. I _bask_ in your reviews' glory. So review. Please.

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Epilogue

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Time passes on even after the death of a loved one. As such, things were slowly, but surely, returning to normal aboard the Galactica. The XO still drank, as he always had. Cottle still smoked, as he always had. The nuggets still went on with their training, as they always had. The deckhands still worked on the Vipers, as they always had.

One member of the crew dying would not change that there were still lives to save out there.

Lee refused to talk about it. The pain was still too raw, and on the nights that he relived the nightmares and woke up in cold sweat, he came to Kara for solace. She would hold him then, lifting up her military issue blanket and sleepily drawing him into her arms.

She knew he would come around eventually. He always did. And she would be there for him. So she would give him his space now, give him his time to mourn...

"Sir?"

She turned her head to see Cally approaching her cautiously.

"Yes?"

"Is... well... is Captain Apollo all right?"

She must have given her a strange look, because Cally hurried to continue.

"It's just that... after Polaris... left us... the captain's been down here an awful lot... and today we didn't see him, so we were all wondering if... well... if he's all right, sir."

Kara was about to answer that the CAG was just feeling a bit under the weather today when something else caught her eyes. She blinked, then smiled.

"Ask him yourself," she said, gesturing with her chin to where the newcomer had slowly, hesitantly stepped onto the deck.

The CAG was there, looking exhausted and more dead than alive, but definitely there.

Lee shuffled over to where the unfinished Mark VII sat. He lifted one hand, hesitated, then ran his fingers delicately over the metallic frame of the Viper.

"...Chief, I'm going to need some hand fixing this Viper up."

Tyrol was gaping at the captain like a fish out of water up until then, but when he heard the CAG's voice he snapped immediately to attention.

"Yes sir," he replied, snapping off a smart salute.

Kara watched all of this with an odd sense of relief in the pit of her stomach. She was worried Lee would collapse again. He looked it, too; she would be surprised if he did not pass out on his bunk tonight after working on his long-abandoned Viper.

Still, she knew he would get by.

_- 'Cause now I know who the real Polaris is._

Polaris... A star that shines so brightly, a star pure and clear, a star that knows to guide weary wanderers to the right path. Yes, that was Lee; amidst the destruction and horror, Lee Adama remained the sole Polaris for those around him to turn to when they were lost.

Humanity still had hope.

Humanity still had its Polaris.

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Fin

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**A.N. 2:** First of all, my apologies for such a late epilogue. I had finals followed by a series of more crisis - namely, my parents' deciding to get a divorce (or at least one of them deciding to) - which kind of had my hands full for a bit. But hey, it's summer, it's break time, and mum's sleeping in the other room, so now seemed like the perfect (if immensely late) time to update XD

jeps: Hmm... as it's the epilogue, I'm not sure how much L/K action you managed to find in this chappie, but I hope it's enough :D Hopefully I'll get around to more L/K in other fics in the (hopefully near) future... Thanks for keeping up with this small ficcie!

yannik: Meh! I'm quite, _quite_ sure you're much better at capturing depression themes than I am. And you're right, it _was_ a research mistake on my part about Polaris D: I'm tempted to go back and fix it... but I think I came too far now to go and fix the boy's whole name XD My apologies. And many thanks for the wonderful feedback!

Spookywanluke: Epilogue is here! I'm so very sorry that it was late... I'm happy to hear that you liked Polaris as well (It seems that a good handful of readers was fond of my original character... something that boosts my ego and inflates my head considerably XD)!


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